I don’t think superwomen exist.
I think they’re created.
There are two kinds of superwomen – the Struggling Superwoman and the “Real” Superwoman. The first is the kind we try to make ourselves to be, the second is the kind we see other women as. The first type, of course, never seems to be as great as the latter – and we kick ourselves and beat ourselves up because somehow, somewhere, we don’t quite have the formula that makes those “real” superwomen so great. And we spend every waking moment (and a lot of our sleeping ones) trying to perfect that formula.
The “real” superwoman always seems to have it together. This is the woman who serves on committees at her kids school as well as church, who never seems to be at home because she’s always out serving and yet her house is always spotless when you visit. “Real” superwomen always find time to have their quiet time, their daily exercise, they may work a full eight hour job somewhere or spend that time volunteeringg, they help their kids with homework, cook dinner from scratch and I’m sure they even have time to make their kids their halloween costumes – no storebought versions there! She’s successful and she does it with a smile.
How can you not be a superwoman?
The reason I bring this up is because of an email conversation I had last week with a military wife who’s struggling right now. I would classify her as a Struggling Superwoman, mainly because it takes one to know one and I have definitely been in her shoes. I had given her some advice that I’ve heard from other military wives who have been through deployment and that is to take the cape off for a while. Don’t try to be Superwoman. So she asked me: when you’re the only one there to do everything, how can you not be?
It’s a good question, and I think it can apply to not just deployment situations and military wives but to every woman who’s ever tried to check off a to-do list.
It’s the understatement of the year, I know, but we women are not like our men, are we ladies? 
I was reminded of that this weekend. I HAD to get a chapter complete for my military reservist book I’m working on so for the first time in quite a while, I took the weekend to lock myself away in the office and trusted my good and sweet husband to be me while I was in Writing Land. He had a list of everything that needed to be done and I assumed it would be done. And it was… sorta.
After taking a break and walking downstairs Saturday afternoon… stepping over the mounds of laundry still in the hallway… and seeing both males of my household (husband and son) laid out in front of the tv, washer and dryer both quiet, the Struggling Superwoman in me wanted to scream: Argh! Nothing will get done around here unless I do it! (ever had those words flit through your mind?)
Granted, he had cleaned the kitchen, changed the air filter, and picked up our son’s room. But he wasn’t done. And he was taking a break! AHHH! What person takes a break when there is work still to be done???
(Answer: the person who knows that there will always be work to be done. )
Us Struggling Superwomen have trouble with that one though, don’t we? We don’t pace for a marathon, we shoot to cross the finish line in record time, because there’s another race just around the corner and if we finish this, then we can jump to that one…. and on and on it goes.
Of course, studies have shown that women are much better multi-taskers than men – but I don’t think that means that we have to multi-task ourselves to death. In fact, I read something recently about a new study that actually showed more efficiency happens when you don’t multi-task so much, and focus on one thing at a time.
So, this week, we’re going to talk about superwomen. Who they are, why we aspire to be them, what the Bible says about superwomen and why I still think they don’t exist.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Please chime in!
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Okay, this may sound conceited but I have been told that I am Superwoman. Personally, most days I consider it a curse. I can work 30 hours a week and still volunteer at church and school. I do homecooked meals and can bake from scratch. I can make a baby quilt and a Halloween costume. My friends will always say to me “I don’t know how you do it all”. Well let me tell you first that I consider my organizational and time management skills a gift from God. I do try to put them to use for his glory. BUT, it all comes at a price too. The price is that I have a hard time stepping back and smelling the roses. I miss not having the ability to just sit on a blanket in the sun with my child and watch the light play on her hair. I miss not being able to walk away from a volunteer opportunity and instead choose a walk in the park with my husband. I miss not seeing the beauty in a sunset because I am rushing to that next meeting. These are the things I struggle with and have worked hard to change over the past year or two. I read a book called “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World” by Joanna Weaver. I think it is a must read for all women, especially moms. Because for all the tasks that I may be able to accomplish as “supermom”; they are not the things that I want my family to remember me for in years to come.
I want to have that Mary heart where I focus on the good things in life and not worry about whether the laundry is done or not. I want to know that I put God and my family before the PTA bake sale.
I do have to say that I am proud of myself. Since my husband has been deployed this past year, I have come to a new awakening in myself and refocused my energies on those things that matter most.
My sister said to me one day when she was visiting that she had never seen my house so messy. Believe it or not, it made me smile. I have also learned to accept help from others. This was huge for me and I discovered that it the most humbling feeling to allow someone to do things for you. It reminds me of how humbling it was for the disciples to let Jesus wash their feet. We need to let God work through others to help us when we need it.
Especially if your husband is deployed and you are feeling overwhelmed. Let that person in that says, what can I do to help? They may be being inspired and sent by God to answer that prayer you sent up the night before when you looked around and just didn’t know how to do it all anymore. Whether it’s just to have them watch your children for an hour while you run to the grocery store. Or maybe just let them fold laundry with you over a cup of coffee and good conversation where you let know how stressful this deployment is and how it makes you feel. Anyway, this are just my rambling thoughts that I hope may help someone when they look at that pile of laundry and their child is asking for a story. As Jesus said, Mary chose the better part.
Angela, you make some great points and I really appreciate you commenting! I think you hit on something really important – that it can be hard as superwomen to stop and enjoy the little things in life… time with our family, time for ourselves. We “do” instead of just allow ourselves to “be” every once in a while.
Deployment especially changes your perception on what’s important. That’s what happened for me. I realized that climbing the corporate ladder wasn’t going to matter any to me thirty years from now – but how I was with my husband and my son would.
More tomorrow!
Hi Sarah,
I know it’s hard sometimes to make a decision (whether right or possibly right) on such important issues in our (men and women) daily lives especially when they’re aimed at career moves, changes or the like, but, keep talking to God regarding anything and everything. I feel He will guide you in the right way or decision concerning what’s at hand. I’m just a man what do I know?
I remember when I was just a young boy and my mother truly put her all in all in everything she did and accomplished at home. We were regulars in church as my mother taught and counseled us on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. My mother would make time for my younger sister and I, including the many tasks and household tending that needed to be done. My mother did so much in every area of her realm, she to me is my almighty super-woman and as I look back upon the years she has been my inspiration along life’s long bumpy road.
I recall the time when my mother was ready to enter the workforce and steadied herself as she went applying for job after job finally landing one with a subsidiary of international business machines back in 1977. She did in fact miss out on the school field trips, school plays, some parent teacher conferences (some) due to her hours, but, I could see how it made her feel as she would hear me and my younger sister tell of the many interesting sights and attractions that we were a part of. I could see her happy for us but sad that she missed the opportunity to be there with us.
After a considerable amount of years working and still tending to all that needed to be done at home my mother began to loose some sight due to all the soldering that she was doing at work, she began to wear glasses while debating whether to continue on the path she so sought after.
My mother never did bounce around from board meeting to board meeting or stretch herself thin in a corporate environment but, she knew when to decide to weigh her options and make a well thought out decision concerning her life as well as ours.
What I am attempting to convey is that although we were never in wealth monetarily, we were wealthy in love and spirituality because of my almighty super-woman; my beautiful and wonderful mother Juanita.
Well Sarah, I really enjoy reading your articles (hint, please keep writing) I also am interested in reading what other men and women have to say regarding your thread. I may learn something! God Bless you and yours Sarah, your brother in Christ…David.
Hi David! Thanks so much for your thoughts… the male perspective is certainly always welcome.
I appreciate your encouragement!