Keeping house and caring for the kids fills a woman’s day — and more. But what if she had to earn a living too? Your wife will never have to face this double duty if you protect yourself.– 1963 ad for Travelers
Insurance

She had breakfast with the national sales manager, met with the client from 9 to 11, talked at an industry luncheon, raced across town to the plans board meeting and then caught the 8:05 back home.– 1977 ad for Boeing

“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan. And never, never, never let you forget you’re a man.” — 1978 ad for Enjoli perfume

“My mother was convinced the center of the world was 36 Maplewood Drive. Her idea of a wonderful time was Sunday dinner. She bought UNICEF cards, but what really mattered were -the Girl Scouts . . . I’m beginning to think my mother really knew what she was doing.”
– 1989 Good Housekeeping Ad

I ran across this article online at the Time Magazine website written back in 1989. I thought it was interesting that it addressed the age-old dilemma of stay-at-home mom or corporate exec., and it’s an argument or rather, an internal struggle ,women are still dealing with today in 2008. Now, the article is lengthy and goes into the abortion issue and other feminist subjects that I’m not so much interested in (or agree with) as I am interested in the fact that we still put the pressure on ourselves to do it all.

Back in high school, in my junior civics class, Mr. Hooper asked us one day to think about where we would be in ten years… what we would be doing. I wish I still had that piece of paper. Maybe I do, somewhere in the attic (which is too cold by the way right now to justify a search). I know I put down that I wanted to be married, I wanted to have kids, and I wanted a career. And I didn’t expect it to turn out any other way.

Today, twelve or thirteen, ok, fourteen years later, I am married to Mr. Right (we’ll celebrate ten wonderful years this summer), we have an incredible son whom I adore, and I have a career. But it has turned out differently than I once thought.

I’ve had to make choices I once thought I’d never have to choose between. Back in 2004, after only working in my corporate position for 2 1/2 years, the dream job I thought I’d keep forever, I made the hard choice to come home and write so I could have more flexibility as a wife and mom. I never saw that coming. I always thought I’d work my way to the top in a company, doing grand and glorious things, taking on grand and glorious assignments and changing the world for God. It was a decision I struggled with for six months, arguing with God about, but knowing in my heart that that’s what He wanted me to do. I’ll admit that since I did that, it’s taken a lot of time passing and a deployment occurring to help me get past the corporate mindset and into a more flexible one.

That first year, when my son was 4, one year away from kindergarten, I still worked around the clock, literally with him playing under my feet, taking on freelance projects galore, book projects and running myself ragged. It wasn’t long till I figured out that sure, I had more flexibility, but I wasn’t being flexible. Sure, I might now be home with my son but I wasn’t spending any extra time with him. I felt guilty when I wasn’t in the office (my home office) and guilty when I wasn’t focused on my son or my husband.

So, over the years, I have learned to make choices. Hard choices. Choices that might, in the long run, have cost me some potential success in terms of career, choices that hopefully have also made a difference for my family. I chose to be more strategic with the assignments I did, and didn’t do. I walked away from some ghostwriting opportunities that had become more burdensome than I wanted to deal with, and this summer, when my husband was in Iraq and my son was home for the school break, I had to make the REALLY hard choice of walking away from freelance for awhile, though still writing columns and other things.

I guess my point is that life is all about choices and those choices will lead us to other choices and those choices will lead us to… more choices.

Which brings me to tomorrow’s post that we’ll talk about. If we can make the choices, then why do we always feel so guilty about those choices?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and discussion about this topic that I know affects all of us. Please comment and discuss how you deal with the mom and/or wife juggle? Got any tips? Pass them on!

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