Distractions of Deployment

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I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now (you know, in the month and a half I haven’t updated) but for whatever reason am just now sitting down at the keyboard to do it.

If you keep up with me on Facebook, you know my husband has been on a TDY and we still have some time to go. This experience has been different from our last deployment, probably for the better in most ways. There is something unsettling when half of you is 9 hrs ahead – not so bad when he’s only 2 hrs behind.

During the deployment, I had convinced myself that I could keep doing everything I had before it started and at the same pace – my work commitments didn’t change, our activities at church didn’t change, life attempted to stay at the same 110 mph rate I was used to going. But there was one problem – I changed. My emotions got the better of me and being an Army of one, I realized I might as well have been an Army of NONE, I was being that effective.

During this TDY, I guess I’m a “little” wiser. My priority has been my husband, my son and myself, with God at the top. My pace this time around is slower but steadier – I’m still on my feet; although this, like during the deployment, drives me crazy thinking of all the things I could be doing, I know it’s the pace we need in this season. I know I’ve missed opportunities with Wives of Faith. And I’ve still made mistakes – like trying to take on too much at the beginning after Cliff left, and slowly, once again, having to walk away from things.

But for the most part, I’ve avoided letting my emotions get the best of me. And for me, that is a definite victory. Yes, I’ve had one or two little breakdowns – one just this week in fact! – but overall, I’ve stayed focused on the prize. God’s love. God’s endurance. God’s strength. Because I learned during that first deployment that when you substitute “My” for “God’s”, it just doesn’t work.

It’s easy to do that. As a wife, you feel such an enormous burden to do all and be all, don’t you? Maybe it’s my age, but it’s finally clicking that I CAN’T do it all. And that made me start thinking about all of the things that happen during a deployment or TDY that tries to convince us we can. That in grand or subtle ways, the enemy tries to fool us by convincing us of all the things we need to control. And then who’s in charge?

Deployments and TDY’s and all of the other seasons of life that happen which grab at our hearts and seek out our attention, all of these things can either be distractions from God or the catalysts to propel us further to Him.

I think about a story I wrote about in GOD Strong, about a little boy I watched one day run around with a kite at school. He was so intent on keeping that kite up, that he never bothered to stop and watch it soar – just ran around and around with his little face getting redder by the second.

We can either run around and around, trying to keep it all in our control, much like that little boy tried to keep a kite up in the air – or we can stand back and watch the wind take that kite and move it. Guide it. Guide us. Lead us in a direction that may be completely unknown to us, but absolutely known by the One who created the wind in the first place.

Let’s not let deployments or TDYs be the distraction that keeps us one more second away from God’s arms. Instead, let these moments be the catalysts – the wind – that blow us directly into them.

Jesus said, “Do not worry, saying ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’…. Seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:31, 33.