Comments on: Does Deployment Change Your Friends? http://www.sarahorn.com/does-deployment-change-your-friends/ Supporting Military Families One Spouse at a Time Thu, 29 Jul 2010 03:17:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Shauna http://www.sarahorn.com/does-deployment-change-your-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-143 Shauna Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:19:00 +0000 http://s293212422.onlinehome.us/does-deployment-change-your-friends/#comment-143 I luckily had a few friends that were Military Wives and they really talked me through in tough times. But my Civilian friends, I think, just were maybe scared of calling and having me "breakdown" on them. Most of them backed away or just never brought it up (the fact that my hubby was deployed). Some of my friends whose hubbies had gotten out of the military stated that they just didn't relate any longer (we had a discussion about it). Whatever goes on during deployment, I think it does have an impact of some sort on friendships. I luckily had a few friends that were Military Wives and they really talked me through in tough times. But my Civilian friends, I think, just were maybe scared of calling and having me “breakdown” on them. Most of them backed away or just never brought it up (the fact that my hubby was deployed). Some of my friends whose hubbies had gotten out of the military stated that they just didn’t relate any longer (we had a discussion about it). Whatever goes on during deployment, I think it does have an impact of some sort on friendships.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.sarahorn.com/does-deployment-change-your-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-132 Anonymous Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:32:00 +0000 http://s293212422.onlinehome.us/does-deployment-change-your-friends/#comment-132 I read your post and I can appreciate what you had to say.<br/><br/>Sometimes when we go through seasons of life, people don't know how to reach out exactly with what we need or expect. I'm sure if you say you were as close as you were, your friends did love you and tried but didn't know exactly what to do or say. I would encourage you to reach back to those friends and give them a second chance.<br/><br/>I know in my life, there have been hard seasons and friends didn't know exactly how to love me the way I needed or expected, but I had to give them the benefit of the doubt that they did still love me. Other friends and new friends did step in, but that didn't mean I let go of the old friends. And surprisingly, the old friends stuck through the seasons even though the new friends did take a valued role in my life.<br/><br/>Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.<br/><br/>Not everyone knows how to respond when someone goes overseas to war. It is hard to know what to say and what to do - but love should cover that despite the circumstances. I read your post and I can appreciate what you had to say.

Sometimes when we go through seasons of life, people don’t know how to reach out exactly with what we need or expect. I’m sure if you say you were as close as you were, your friends did love you and tried but didn’t know exactly what to do or say. I would encourage you to reach back to those friends and give them a second chance.

I know in my life, there have been hard seasons and friends didn’t know exactly how to love me the way I needed or expected, but I had to give them the benefit of the doubt that they did still love me. Other friends and new friends did step in, but that didn’t mean I let go of the old friends. And surprisingly, the old friends stuck through the seasons even though the new friends did take a valued role in my life.

Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.

Not everyone knows how to respond when someone goes overseas to war. It is hard to know what to say and what to do – but love should cover that despite the circumstances.

]]> By: Laura http://www.sarahorn.com/does-deployment-change-your-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-131 Laura Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:19:00 +0000 http://s293212422.onlinehome.us/does-deployment-change-your-friends/#comment-131 I really enjoyed reading this post. When my husband was in the Air Force and deployed I found myself very alone even amongst friends and family. No one around me knew what it meant to be away from their spouse for more than a few days, much less in a war zone, so they wanted me to act as if everything was OK when it wasn't. I've heard that a lot from other military wives. It can be extremely disheartening!! It was one of the toughest times in my life, but I believe it grew me into who I am today. I think it prepared me for what lied ahead as my husband later became a pastor and, now, a chaplain in the Army. <br/><br/>Sometimes people just seem to steer away from pastor's wives (and I'm finding the same to be true of chaplain wives); I'm not quite sure why. I guess because they fear what they don't know about us as a person, but even so it can be very painful...much like it feels when our husband's deploy. <br/><br/>Today I am stronger because of it. I know what it means to lean on the Lord when people let you down. I also know how to keep expectations and reality closer aligned. <br/><br/>I appreciate this post because it helps others to feel "I'm not alone" in this matter. We as military spouses, whether reserve or active, are encouraged when we know our feelings are normal. Just knowing that can see us through a lot of disappointments this road may bring our way. Thank you for your honesty and transparency!<br/>Laura I really enjoyed reading this post. When my husband was in the Air Force and deployed I found myself very alone even amongst friends and family. No one around me knew what it meant to be away from their spouse for more than a few days, much less in a war zone, so they wanted me to act as if everything was OK when it wasn’t. I’ve heard that a lot from other military wives. It can be extremely disheartening!! It was one of the toughest times in my life, but I believe it grew me into who I am today. I think it prepared me for what lied ahead as my husband later became a pastor and, now, a chaplain in the Army.

Sometimes people just seem to steer away from pastor’s wives (and I’m finding the same to be true of chaplain wives); I’m not quite sure why. I guess because they fear what they don’t know about us as a person, but even so it can be very painful…much like it feels when our husband’s deploy.

Today I am stronger because of it. I know what it means to lean on the Lord when people let you down. I also know how to keep expectations and reality closer aligned.

I appreciate this post because it helps others to feel “I’m not alone” in this matter. We as military spouses, whether reserve or active, are encouraged when we know our feelings are normal. Just knowing that can see us through a lot of disappointments this road may bring our way. Thank you for your honesty and transparency!
Laura

]]> By: Natalie W. http://www.sarahorn.com/does-deployment-change-your-friends/comment-page-1/#comment-128 Natalie W. Thu, 05 Jun 2008 18:55:00 +0000 http://s293212422.onlinehome.us/does-deployment-change-your-friends/#comment-128 Although we're active duty, I've still definitely encountered this problem, sadly amoung family as well, which has been supremely disappointing. With friends, some fell off the planet when my husband deployed. I think it was just too hard for them to call and to know what to say, etc...so when my girlfriends have gone out of their way to call, or to come to visit, I cherish it all the more knowing the effort it takes. For some reason, I think people just assume we're pros at this since we do it all the time. Little do they know!!!!! Although we’re active duty, I’ve still definitely encountered this problem, sadly amoung family as well, which has been supremely disappointing. With friends, some fell off the planet when my husband deployed. I think it was just too hard for them to call and to know what to say, etc…so when my girlfriends have gone out of their way to call, or to come to visit, I cherish it all the more knowing the effort it takes. For some reason, I think people just assume we’re pros at this since we do it all the time. Little do they know!!!!!

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