The following is an excerpt from Sara’s new book, GOD Strong: A Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide.
One of the hardest parts of the military life is the deployment. Being separated from your spouse can be emotionally grueling, depressingly solitary, and overwhelming. If you let it be that way.
During our first deployment, I was determined that it would not be that way. I approached this new experience in our lives with the fervor and determination of the defenders of the Alamo; whatever happened, I would not let our family down. I had a plan. I would be the Great Communicator, keeping my husband and son and the rest of our family and friends closely connected.
I would be the Great Organizer, juggling all of my son’s activities, my work responsibilities, church functions, and aforementioned family communications with the ease and skill of one who knows no scheduling conflict.
I would be the Great Cheerleader, offering an unending supply of encouragement to my husband in Iraq and to our son here at home. And to do all of this, I would have to be the Great Health nut. Yes, that was my plan. I would eat right, exercise every day, and stay fit and healthy, stress free and positively motivated throughout the deployment. I would be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong. Those incredible endorphins would keep me going!
To help in this quest for uberstrength (or what I ultimately learned is Me Strength), I brought along my iPod to the gym, loaded with the music I thought I needed to “get in the zone.” There were songs on there I had never listened to before but had bought specifically for the deployment – titles like “Fighter” and “Push It’ and “Let’s Get It Started.” I chose songs that encouraged me to push myself, to make my life happen how I wanted it to happen, to be sexy (after all, I wanted to look good when my husband came home), to be a rock star or at least live the confident rock star life. The other songs I owned – songs praising God, songs that reminded me of his goodness, his grace, and his control – were left off my playlist because I’d decided they weren’t intense enough. Not motivating enough. I needed fast and loud. I needed tough and strong.
What I didn’t realize until months later, when I was so spent and worn out and sitting on my couch in the dark, was that I had overlooked God’s strength. I had fooled myself into thinking that because I was Me Strong, I didn’t have to be God Strong. God was there, but at a distance safe enough to keep me from being reminded just how weak I am.
Me Strength Versus God Strength
Developing strong muscles doesn’t happen instantly. Neither does growing spiritual ones. But relying on God’s strength and learning how to embrace him and his values and teachings are daily lessons we can’t miss. His instruction is free and available to us; it is our availability to him that often goes missing. In the military life, strength is everything, and that mindset is brought home to us by our husbands. Strength of body. Strength of mind. We need strength of courage. We must develop and maintain strength with honor and duty and doing what’s right. But weakness is never welcome. Weakness is a weed that threatens bodies and spirits; whether physically or emotionally, being weak can hurt not just one but many. Weakness can hurt a platoon just as it can hurt a marriage. A squad can be damaged; a family crippled.
Because we fear being weak so much, we go out of our way to be strong. But as I mentioned in the last chapter, we can go only so far on our own strength, and when we can’t move another muscle, we automatically think there’s something wrong. I’m not doing something right. My faith must not be where it should be.
But our weaknesses are not reflections of our faith; our weaknesses are just reflections of our humanity.
We’re human. We mess up, we make mistakes, and regardless of what branch of the military we’re in and whether we embrace our military-wife titles with enthusiasm or cynicism, our supplies of strength often come up short. Things don’t go as planned. Life throws curveballs we can’t hit. We grow tired. We fail. We’re unable to do what we need to do, and when that happens, we hang our heads and beat ourselves up and moan and groan and wonder why we can’t handle being military wives any better than we can handle life. We duck our heads when friends say “You’re so strong,” because really, we know different. And we wonder where God is and why we can’t do better.
Paul knew about weakness. His “thorn in the flesh” stayed with him and tormented him throughout his life. He struggled with this flaw constantly. Though we don’t know exactly what it was (perhaps a disease or a chronic ilness), it was troublesome enough that Paul begged God to take it from him three different times (2 Cor. 12:7-8).
Have you ever made a similar request of God? Lord, just take this problem away. God, if you would only make me stronger. Jesus, if you would only let this happen, then this would turn out the way I want it to. But as Paul knew, we often discover that it is only through our weaknesses that God makes us stronger. As God told Paul, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). And how did Paul respond? He let Christ take over. And his faith was strengthened through his weakness.
When you have moments of feeling like you have no strength left, it isn’t necessarily an indication you have no faith left. When you wonder whether you can continue on in a marriage in which your spouse is around only half the time, you must remind yourself that God can be relied on to meet all of your needs (Philippians 4:19). When you are struggling wiht feeling inadequate for the tasks you face each day, you can rely on the knowledge that God is faithful (1 Cor. 1:9), that he’s consistent and trustworthy, and that he will help you (Isaiah 50:7). When overwhelmed by negative emotions, you can hold on to God’s promise that he is with you and that he will quiet you with his love (Zephaniah 3:17).
Feelings can’t be indicators of your faith or belief, because feelings come and go just as surely as sunshine and rain; belief and conviction are much more certain. The sun will come up every day regardless of whether I can see it. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis writes that faith is “the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.” We are emotional creatures, and whether we’re going through deployments or other struggles in life, our emotions can often get the best of us. They are unreliable because they can change with the weather, by the month, the week, even the day.
Faith, however, is much more certain. Whatever the crazy inconsistent emotions I may feel right now, I can have faith that God will give me strength because he has done so before and because I have heard the stories of others whom he has strengthened, both in his Word and in the present day. I can hold tight to what Philippians 4:13 (The Message) says: “Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”
Comment: What is your story of how God has strengthened you through deployment?
Purchase God Strong at Amazon, B&N, CBD or anywhere books are sold. Visit godstrongbook.com for more info.
Cross-posted at Wives of Faith.
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